Harold Pinter Plays 2 by Harold Pinter

Author:Harold Pinter [Harold Pinter]
Language: eng
Format: epub, mobi
ISBN: 9780571300785
Publisher: Faber & Faber
Published: 2013-05-26T16:00:00+00:00

HARRY. Am I?

BILL. I would say you were.

HARRY. Well, you know what it is, don’t you?

BILL. No.

HARRY. It’s the church bells. You know how church bells always set me off. You know how they affect me.

BILL. I never hear them.

HARRY. You’re not the sort of person who would, are you?

BILL. I’m finding all this faintly idiotic.

BILL bends to pick up the paper.

HARRY. Don’t touch that paper.

BILL. Why not?

HARRY. Don’t touch it

BILL stares at him and then slowly picks it up.

Silence.

He tosses it to HARRY.

BILL. You have it. I don’t want it.

BILL goes out and up the stairs. HARRY opens the paper and reads it.

In the flat, STELLA comes in with a tray of coffee and biscuits. She places the tray on the coffee-table and passes a cup to JAMES. She sips.

STELLA. Would you like a biscuit?

JAMES. No, thank you.

Pause.

STELLA. I’m going to have one.

JAMES. You’ll get fat.

STELLA. From biscuits?

JAMES. You don’t want to get fat, do you?

STELLA. Why not?

JAMES. Perhaps you do.

STELLA. It’s not one of my aims.

JAMES. What is your aim?

Pause.

I’d like an olive.

STELLA. Olive? We haven’t got any.

JAMES. How do you know?

STELLA. I know.

JAMES. Have you looked?

STELLA. I don’t need to look, do I? I know what I’ve got.

JAMES. You know what you’ve got?

Pause.

Why haven’t we got any olives?

STELLA. I didn’t know you liked them.

JAMES. That must be the reason why we’ve never had them in the house. You’ve simply never been interested enough in olives to ask whether I liked them or not.

The telephone rings in the house. HARRY puts the paper down and goes to it. BILL comes down the stairs. They stop, facing each other, momentarily. HARRY lifts the receiver. BILL walks into the room, picks up the paper and sits.

HARRY. Hullo. What? No. Wrong number. (Replaces receiver.)

Wrong number. Who do you think it was?

BILL. I didn’t think.

HARRY. Oh, by the way, a chap called for you yesterday.

BILL. Oh yes?

HARRY. Just after you’d gone out.

BILL. Oh yes?

HARRY. Ah well, time for the joint. Roast or chips?

BILL. I don’t want any potatoes, thank you.

HARRY. No potatoes? What an extraordinary thing. Yes, this chap, he was asking for you, he wanted you.

BILL. What for?

HARRY. He wanted to know if you ever cleaned your shoes with furniture polish.

BILL. Really? How odd.

HARRY. Not odd. Some kind of national survey.

BILL. What did he look like?

HARRY. Oh … lemon hair, nigger brown teeth, wooden leg, bottlegreen eyes and a toupee. Know him?

BILL. Never met him.

HARRY. You’d know him if you saw him.

BILL. I doubt it.

HARRY. What, a man who looked like that?

BILL. Plenty of men look like that.

HARRY. That’s true. That’s very true. The only thing is that this particular man was here last night.

BILL. Was he? I didn’t see him.

HARRY. Oh yes, he was here, but I’ve got a funny feeling he wore a mask. It was the same man, but he wore a mask, that’s all there is to it. He didn’t dance here last night, did he, or do any gymnastics?

BILL. No one danced here last night.

HARRY. Aah. Well, that’s why you didn’t notice his wooden leg.

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